For the first time in 17 years, representatives and senators in the US congress from both parties have used up all of their vacation days and sick days before the end of the year, and have once again decided to shut down the government.
“In some ways, it’s kind of stupid.” One senator from New York told us. “We only get like two weeks vacation, and seven sick days. For the whole year! And we have to fit Christmas break into that, so that makes it only like one week vacation.”
“I mean, I shouldn’t say anything bad about them, but I think our founding fathers were way off on how many vacation days we’d need back when they drafted our employment standards. So yeah, we occasionally dip into sick days to cover a long weekend or something. But it seems like we all did that a little too much this year.”
“So then someone, I forget who, was saying they were recently having lunch with [Former Speaker] Newt [Gingrich], and he’s all like ‘why don’t you just shut down? It’s what we did in the nineties.’. So we got to thinking. I mean, the nineties are pretty big right now, have you ever been on buzzfeed?”
A congressperson from Minnesota continued. “Oh yeah. Newt said we’d need some kind of cover story, so we came up with this whole debt ceiling thing. Pretended it was a huge deal. But now we’ve got at least a couple of weeks off while we, haha, “debate”.”
When asked if there has been any negative issues arising from the shutdown, the congressperson said that she didn’t immediately realize that all the monuments and parks would be shut down. “But then it turned out that some veterans were wanting to see the world war two memorial, so a couple of us went down there to let them in. It was nice. Very moving. I’d not been to that one before.”
“One thing you’ve got to understand is that there are some serious parties going on in Washington right now.” A senator from California told us. “Serious parties. I don’t think I’ve been sober since this thing started. Hey. No hangover if you don’t stop, right? Right? Yeah, that guy knows what I’m talkin’ about.”
For more on this story, see below.
Forbes: Why Did The Government Shutdown
CNN: Get Up To Speed On The Shutdown