Ted Cruz: “I have No Idea What The Internet Is”

In a surprising revelation this morning, Texan Senator, and former Canadian, Ted Cruz revealed this morning in a public statement that he had absolutely no idea what the internet was, or how it worked.

“I’ve heard it called ‘The Net’,” the Senator said, who clearly last heard about the Internet in the 90s, “so from that, I would imagine that it’s a large, sort of interwoven thing, probably made of wires, for catching things, like cat pictures. So if you’re putting something on this “net”, then your computer sort of throws it up at it, and the net catches it, and then keeps it. ”

“So then net neutrality would be the government cutting holes in the net to stop dolphins getting caught.” The Senator said, pausing for a moment.

“Yeah. I have no clue what the internet is. I’m like that with most technology though. My twitter account, that’s someone else. It’s damned lucky I became a senator as now someone else answers my phone for me. I’m seriously terrible with technology. Seriously, it once took me an hour to figure out how to get into my refrigerator once. And actually, it was my wife that opened it, I have no idea how she did it. She’s my rock.”

Heidi Cruz commented “That’s actually true. If I leave town, I have to call the pizza place myself to order dinner for him. No matter where I am. I could be in France, and I’d have to call a pizza hut so he won’t starve. He literally has no clue what he’s doing. I caught him once trying to change the channel on the tv with the vacuum cleaner.”

“But he’s my special little guy.”


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