Obama: Oh, For Fucks Sake!

Days after announcing his stance in favour of the Federal Communication Commission launching strict regulations on how the internet is accessed, U.S. President Barack Obama was visibly annoyed today following Tesla Motor and SpaceX founder Elon Musk’s announcement of his own internet infrastructure.

Musk’s plan is to launch 640 satellites in the coming years to provide cheap, reliable, unrestricted internet access to the world, effectively providing an alternative to the existing telecomm companies land based infrastructure, and provided much needed competition in the market place.

“Are you fucking serious? Two fucking days later! And what really pisses me off is that I met with the guy on Friday. We had lunch, and he didn’t say a damned thing about satellite internet. He probably only thought of it after my announcement, that’s the really infuriating thing. And now he’s just going to go do it.”

Musk, meanwhile, was reportedly ecstatic when confirming the rumours of satellite internet at a press conference Wednesday.

“We will be launching the satellites over the coming 4 years. 640 satellites, each hanging like a sword of Damocles over every major city on Earth. Each satellite completely free of super-powered laser beams. We’re calling this one Project Death. Erm, that’s because this satellite network will be the final nail in the coffin of how media is currently consumed on Earth, there’s no other reason. Nope. There’s no reason for anyone or any government to look closer at these satellites. It’s all just for internet.”

Musk then reportedly laughed maniacally for several minutes while muttering “fools” under his breath until noticing that the microphones were still on, at which point he hurried off stage from the podium.

“I mean. For fuck’s sake, right?” President Obama told us. “That fucking guy.”

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