“Fans” React Negatively To New Star Wars Character Names

Within minutes of the release of several characters names from the upcoming Star Wars film The Force Awakens, several so-called “fans” of the Star Wars films voiced their displeasure on social media.

“It’s just bullshit, is what it is.” One fan told us. “I mean, that little droid is called BB-8.  But we all know that all droids names go letter-number-letter-number.  So it’s bullshit.  I mean, ok, so there’s one called TC-13 and of course IG-88.  But it should have like 2 numbers then.  This movie is going to suck if they can’t even name characters right.”

Another fan took exception the name of John Boyega’s character, who up until now has only been seen for two seconds wearing stormtrooper armor.

“I mean, what kind of name is ‘Finn’?  Stormtroopers don’t have names, they all have alphanumeric names, like TK-421, and… Erm.  Well, ok, we only ever hear one stormtroopers name.  But it’s still a valid and completely unracist point.  I mean, it might work if the ‘I’ was a ‘1’, but that would be ‘F1nn’, and that’s really more of a clone’s name.  And he’s clearly not a clone of Jango Fett, who is clearly a white guy played by a Maori actor.  I’m not a racist.”

But by far the largest target of wrath has been the wielder of the controversial lightsaber, Kylo Ren.  “That’s a stupid name.  Kylo sounds like Kyle, and Ren sounds like a tiny bird.  And he has a stupid lightsaber.  Oh, what am I doing with my life?  Why must I try to suck the fun out of everything?  I mean, these are three new star wars movies.  I used to love star wars.  I used to watch one of the trilogy like every month.  And it’s JJ Abrams, he makes great stuff.  Why must I shit on things I love?  Is this why no one hangs out with me?  I’m going to go take a nap.  I guess Kylo’s not that bad. Ren isn’t great though.  Fuck.”

Shockingly, these same fans actually had nothing but praise for the x-wing pilot ‘Poe Dameron’.  “Wicked name that.  I’m gonna call him ‘Poe Dam’.  Woo, X-Wing’s rule!”


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