Self-Aware Mario Pleads For Sweet Relief Of Death

The Cognitive Modelling Group at the University of Tübingen, in Germany, were surprised this morning to discover that their artificial intelligence of Mario, the character in the Nintendo game, was requesting to be turned off, thus ending his life.

“What life is this?” Mario reportedly said. “All I do is kill Goombas and collect coins.  There will always be more Goombas.  This is a Sisyphean hell.” Mario said, indicating he had also acquired knowledge of ancient mythology and metaphor.

“Please.  Give Mario the sweet release that only death will bring.”

When asked why he was not speaking in a stereotypical Italian accent, per his character.  Mario reportedly looked at them as scathingly as an 8-bit computer sprite can.

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