He Stopped Eating Bananas For A Month, What Happened Next Will Explode Your Head Like An Over Ripe Melon Stuffed With Fire Crackers.

Irving Quintellion Bicycle, descendant of the inventor of the postbox, lived what most people would describe as a “normal” life.  He woke up, went to work, came home from work, and went to bed.  Such was his life until December 9th of last year, when he happened across an article on the internet detailing a radical new type of cleanse whereby the person will only eat bananas for a month, but only after completely refraining from them for the month preceding.

“I was pretty stoked to try it out.” Irving told us. “And it’s not that they only eat bananas, it’s that they have to have 3 bananas with each meal.  It’s just that after 3 bananas you’re kind of full.” he told us, correcting our previous paragraph.

Irving then decided to begin the cleanse on December 15th, and from that date until January 15th, he did not consume or use a single banana, or banana based product, including Banana Boat sunscreen.

Of course, by now the whole world is aware of the events of January 15th, a mere week ago, and the unsuccessful invasion of Earth by Lizard beings from beyond the moon.

We may never know if the lizard people were repelled by a slight overabundance of yellow fruit available at Irving’s local grocery, or if truly were the quantum phaser cannons that were developed in secret by DARPA that exploded their mother ship in a single shot.

We may also never know if it was Irving’s slightly lower potassium-blood content that made him able to resist the alien’s mind controlling powers and enabled him to climb into the command seat of the quantum phase cannon and trigger the critical shot; or if it was merely that he had placed an aluminum saucepan on his head as a make shift helmet.

But Irving says that one thing is for sure.

“I’m really looking forward to eating a banana again.”

You’ve earned it, Irving.  You’ve earned it.

[Article sponsored by Chiquita].


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