God Refusing To Answer Man’s Prayers

In a stunning public announcement earlier today, the Supreme Overlord of the Universe, God, declared that he would not be answering the prayers of Frank Mitchell of the city of Albany, in the United States of America.

“I don’t say this a lot, being primarily a loving God and all.  But fuck that guy.”  God declared as a booming disembodied voice heard everywhere on Earth at the same time and in all languages.

“When he stops wearing jeans to church on Sunday, then I’ll think about answering his prayers.  He’s basically only hurting himself here.  And of course, all the little children who have AIDS that he prays for.  If Frank wants me to stop that, then he can put some proper pants on.  And that goes for everyone else that wears jeans to church.  I know Frank isn’t the only one.  I know exactly who else is doing it.  Knock it off.  You’re just ruining it for everyone else, as other people are praying for AIDS children, and I’m not fixing that until you all start behaving a little better.”


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