Doctors Make Impassioned Pleas To Public

This morning, representatives from all over the country made a statement requesting that people in their prime please stop wasting their doctors time when they only have a cold or the flu.

“Look, if you’re in your thirties, and you work out all the time and eat your five to ten a day, you’ve only got a cold.  Please stop tying up doctors resources when they could be looking after people in possibly more critical conditions.  Like the very young or elderly.” The representative said.

“While I have your attention, I’d also like to announce that we have isolated several more very infectious and serious diseases.  Information is available on the CDC website, and these conditions are Ragnok’s Syndrome, Exploding Lung Disease, and Death Coma Disorder.  Be very vigilant if you think you may have contracted any of these.”  He continued.

“These diseases can affect anyone, young or old, prime of health or not.  Symptoms include stuffiness of the nasal cavity, a sore throat, and general fatigue and aches.  That’s in phase 1, which is very treatable.  If untreated, phase 2 is a lot worse and can rapidly deteriorate beyond treatment capability.  Basically, you’re looking at typical cold and flu symptoms.  Those could be signs you have these diseases, or measles, or ebola, or any of the myriad of other diseases that start with cold and flu symptoms.”

The representative then realized what he had just said, and finished with “Ah shit.”


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