Man Sees No Reason To Stop Using Hotmail

Chicagoan John Bertram Smith issued a public statement this morning that he sees no logical reason to stop using his Hotmail email account in favor of creating one at gmail.

“Let me be clear, so that my friends and relatives can stop asking.  As of this moment, I am JohnBSmith@hotmail.com.  I shall always be JohnBSmith@hotmail.com.  I have no interest in altering that fact.  My current email is easy to remember.  So stop asking why I’m still on Hotmail.  Stop asking if I know that Gmail is better.  And definitely stop offering to create a Gmail account for me.”

“The reason I have JohnBSmith@hotmail.com is that I was one of the first John B Smith’s to sign up for that email service.  I’ve had it since 1998.  But how many John B Smith’s are using Gmail?  A thousand?  A million?”

“If I were to try to get an email there now, I would be something like JohnBSmith000001 or something, and tell me.  What sort of life is that?  It’s not my life, dammit.  I was born JohnBSmith@hotmail.com, and I shall die JohnBSmith@hotmail.com.”

When asked for comment, John’s son said “I’ll keep working on him.  Wearing him down.  He’s now accepted that Gmail exists and isn’t a fad, so I’m getting there.  I mean, he still uses Altavista to search the internet, so the progress is slow.  He’s also stopped complaining about not being able to get Netscape for Windows 8.  So I’m confident that he won’t die with that email address.”

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