Local Man Fails To Win Lottery Again

Local Phil Juno failed to win the lottery on his 500th consecutive attempt.

“I just don’t get it.” He told us. “I mean, I bought my ticket, but it’s almost as if the odds are so astronomical that there’s very little chance of me actually winning.”

“But then how do you explain the people who do win?  Is it all some kind of con?  A Running-Man-esque system where the winners are never seen again because they’ve been killed in a locker room by Fireball, the fire throwing gladiator.”

“You know though.  I’ve heard that a lot of the time people who win the lottery are in an even worse position within five years than they were the day before they won.  Getting massacred in a locker room would qualify as a worse position.”

“Shit.  I should stop buying tickets.  I don’t want to win a chance to die in a gladiatorial combat scenario.”

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