Harper: ISIS Could Be Building The Death Star

In a statement this morning that is still shocking Canadians wherever they are, Prime Minister Stephen Harper again voiced support for Bill C-51 and it’s anti-terrorism tactics.

“The simple fact is, we don’t know if ISIS is building a Death Star, but we also don’t know for certain that they’re not.  Think about that.  Unless we pass this bill, we would not know if ISIS, which has pledged itself to the destruction of the West, including Canada, we would not know if they’re building a planet destroying super weapon or not.  Isn’t that something you’d like us to know for sure?”

“To that end, we need to pass bill C-51 immediately.  Now granted, some clauses are troubling.  Particularly the one about us building our own Death Star and giving it to CSIS.  But we need that Death Star.  How else would we keep the local systems inline?  The Senate?  Please.  No, the new Regional Governors will do that.  Along with Fear.  Fear of the battle station that we have to build before ISIS.”

“And so that’s why we have to read your emails, go through your garbage bins, and read your thoughts.  But, let’s be honest, you post that on Facebook anyway, so you just have to add CSIS as a friend and you’re done.”

“I should add.” The Prime Minister added, “The bill does make watching The Murdoch Mysteries mandatory.  Somebody put that in.  Could’ve been anybody, it’s best not to look too deeply into it.”

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