Alberta Premier Jim Prentice held a press conference today where he announced his economic plan for Alberta, in dealing with the reduced price of oil.
“I’ve taken a lot of flak over the last few months over the new budget. I’ve given government workers the opinion that we’ll be attempting to lower their salaries. I’ve tried to blame it on all Albertan’s, even though they were the ones who kept re-electing us, so there clearly is some blame there. Anyway. Despite all that, we have been working hard, and we have developed a new economic plan to help fund the province through this low oil price.”
“The plan is faultless in its simplicity. We’re going to stop all those wind turbines down in Pincher Creek, we’re going to crank up our power plants that run on oil. But it doesn’t stop there. We need every Albertan, and several billion more people who don’t live here, to ramp up their oil consumption. Drive everywhere. Buy things in redundant plastic packaging. Stop recycling.”
“If we all pitch in and do this, we can reduce the supply of oil left, and as supply goes down, the price will go up.”
“It’s bulletproof! I’m doing my part. I’ve rented three Humvees, and they’re all idling right now.”
“Alberta Number One!” The Premier said, removing a microphone from the podium and dropping it on the floor.