Thursday Thummary – March 19th

A look back at the week so far by SLN’s news team.

March 19th, 2015

This past Monday, Grand Rapids local James Dolphin decided that he would delay the meal he had planned to use his slow cooker for until Thursday.

“I realize that all I have to do is just put everything in, put it on low, and then dinner’s done when I get home from work.  But that’s a lot of work to be doing first thing in the morning.  I barely have the energy to make a bowl of cereal, and instead I’m supposed to be peeling vegetables, cutting up meat, measuring spices as well as having my bowl of cereal?”

“No.  Not happening.  I’ll wait until Thursday, when I have my day off.  Then I can get up around 9ish, have breakfast, and still have time to get it all in there with plenty of time to cook on low.  Plus, I then get to sit around the house smelling it all day, which won’t be torture at all.”

On Tuesday, alcoholics all over the western world found themselves in the midst of an enormous party.  Our man in Boston interviewed a man on the street, and then translated the words back into English and then polished them up a bit for clarity.

“It’s wicked awesome.” The man said. “There’s a sweet party happening all over the city, and it’s a Tuesday.  Usually it’s just me and a couple of the other lads, but now there’s actual women here too!”  The man then spread his arms wide to the heavens and proclaimed “woo” loudly, spilling his drink in the process.

“I am kinda wondering why everything is green though.  That’s a little odd.”

Then on Wednesday morning, North American audiences learned that Benjamin Netanyahu had once again won election for the office of Prime Minister of Israel.  A fact that he directly attributed to the election being held on St. Patrick’s day.

“I didn’t think there was a large Irish-Israeli population here.  But apparently there’s enough.  Sure, now I have to seem to do all that crazy shit I promised to win, but oddly, I don’t think I’ll have a problem with it.”

And finally this morning marked the 11th day of Daylight Savings, and the first day of everyone in regions experiencing it forgetting about it until they have to do it again in one years time.

We spoke with a random citizen, and forgot to ask their name.

“Oh, yeah.  I guess we did do that.  I remember feeling pretty pissed off about it at the time, but I’m kind of meh about it now.”

We also asked about how he feels about the end of Daylight Savings in November.

“That’s the one where I get to sleep in right?  Oh, I love that one.  It’s like a vacation.  Getting plenty of sleep every night, strolling in to work at a time that seems later, and everyone is a little bit happier.  Oh.  It’s like a constant warm hug.  It’s only a shame that we have to move time forward in order to reap the benefits of moving time back.”

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