Republican Senator Rand Paul announced his candidacy for the office of President of the United States of America, or “’Murica” as it is often referred to on the internet.
Senator Paul has been a potential contender for the 2016 election for some time, but has refrained from stating his intentions until now.
“Yeah, go on then.” The Presidential Candidate told reporters. “I’ll run. But I must stress that this is only because I’ll seem like the sane option with Cruz running. Wow, that guy is nuts. There’s no ‘doot aboot’ that.”
The Senator from Kentucky then went on to encourage other people to run.
“I think it would be great, and I don’t mean for my campaign, but for the country as a whole, if Donald Trump and Sarah Palin could also announce their candidacy. Holy shit that would be amazing. Even I would donate to their superpac’s. Obviously, I’m not saying this because it would help my campaign.” The Senator added with a wink to the camera.
“So yeah. I’m in. I look forward to the next 19 months of campaigning. Yeah, that’s not too fucking long for this shit at all.”