Shauna Smithson, local candidate for the Bible Party, announced her platform today with several highly controversial elements.
“Our country has been in a moral decline for decades” She announced, “But on May 5th, we can turn that around with the implementation of biblical policies. Our great province will be the beacon in the dark, leading the country back into the light.”
“Our primary focus on the first hundred days will be to introduce legislation that will not be popular, but it will be a necessary step in righting our course that has been leading us astray.”
“Straying from the bible’s teachings has led us wrong, and so returning to those teachings will take us home again.” She said, belabouring the point to the audience.
“And so I will move to introduce a ban on polyester, crab and other crustaceans, and the worst transgression of them all, pork products.”
“Gone will be the days of comfortable socks, all you can eat shrimp at a buffet, and the bacon sandwich. Soon we will be in a golden age of not having those things.”
Ms Smithson is expected to receive three votes in the election.