News In Brief – May 21st

Earlier this week, NASA launched a mysterious space plane into orbit, which is rumored to be launching an experimental ‘solar sail’ craft, which would be powered by the suns radiation, similar to how a sailboat uses the wind.  The craft will revolutionize space travel by slowing everything down to speeds commonly reserved for grandmothers on a Sunday drive.

Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper held a press conference this morning where he gave Canadians considering traveling to join ISIS sage advice.  “Don’t.”

Nigel Farage was mocked in European Parliament by his colleagues this week after returning to his previous job following his election loss, resignation, and unresignation.  “Those guys are jerks.” Farage told us. “They’re really mean jerk faces.  JERKS!” he exclaimed once more, directing his voice toward a group of MEP’s from Germany and Belgium.


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