(Vancouver, BC) –Local alternative explanation enthusiast Lucas George told SLN reporters this morning that he is “just exhausted from knowing the true explanation behind the events unfolding in the news today.”
“You really just have no idea how tiring it is to be able to see through the so-called news at the truth going on behind the scenes. It almost makes me not want to get up in the morning.”
“Like this whole kerfuffle with ISIS. The cabal controlling the west are angry that they have acquired alien technology that they’re using in their rapid expansions through the region. Technology that they used during the Gulf and Iraq wars, but lost during an attack in Baghdad. Then there’s this oil price collapse, that’s a different cabal of rich lizard people from a planet orbiting Sirius B who want to decrease interest in renewable energy production as they need climate change to occur for large scale colonization.”
“I mean, wouldn’t all this make you exhausted as well? I guess not, as you’re all part of the ‘media’ and you do what your corporate masters tell you. I bet you even believe the story behind your own organizations name! That Sealion News was chosen because the guy who created it did a three second google search for “lion news” found too many hits and added “sea” to the front and found only news items about sea lions. Which is two words, by the way. Not one.”
“No, far from it. Let’s break it down. What is a lion? It’s the king of the jungle. So, a king. And sea, that’s pretty obvious. So we have king of oceans. Neptune. Your organization is a front for a cult worshipping the pagan god Neptune. Which is why you guys constantly have those “Little Mermaid” screenings for your families. It’s all so obvious people!”
The assembled SLN reporters agreed that it was a little curious as to why company movie night was always alternating between Disney’s The Little Mermaid, and the two Poseidon Adventure movies.