Sepp Blatter Resigns, Vows Revenge

(Zurich) –FIFA chief Sepp Blatter announced his resignation today, along with a promise of revenge against those who caused his downfall.

“I will have my revenge on those who have wronged me.” Mr Blatter declared in a press conference today.  “Be warned, I am coming for your beloved NFL America.  And your college league.  No game featuring the words ‘foot’ and ‘ball’ is safe from me.  I will ruin it like I have ruined so much else.  Say hello to excessive numbers of stadiums in Utah and the Dakotas.”

Mr Blatter then called out HBO satirical show host John Oliver and pointed into the camera while tracing a line across his neck with his thumb.

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