(Columbia, SC) –Local veteran police officer Kurt Schultz put his head in his hands and swore at his partner, John Robin, this morning after his use of a nickname that officer Schultz particularly doesn’t like.
“He’s so annoying.” Schultz told us. “Whenever we get called out in the car, he’ll turn to me from the passenger seat, and stick his hand in the air. Not in a high five way, but more a arm-wrestley/solidarity way. Then he’ll wait for me to take it, which I did once to humor him, and now have to do every goddamn time.”
“Having taken his hand, he’ll say “Thunder buddies for life”. And expect me to repeat it. I didn’t even like that movie, but I’m about twenty five years older than it’s demographic, so that’s no surprise.”
As of press time, Officer Schultz was three days away from retirement, and had been called out to investigate some suspicious behaviour at an abandoned warehouse on the edge of town.