(Victoria, BC) –Lottery players across the country were heard to yell “Fucking seriously?” this morning as news spread that recent high school graduate Dwayne Leaf had won the million dollar jackpot.
Dwayne, who will continue to never work a day in his life, was reportedly looking forward to investing the money wisely and living off interest.
“I think a lot of people my age would go through it in no time, but not me. I’ll be putting some aside so I can keep maxing out my RRSP for the decade. I’ll get some stocks in my TFSA that’ll earn some big dividends. Pay off my parent’s mortgage and other debts, and send them on a vacation. Then I’ll create an education trust fund for myself and use that to go to university in the fall. I might stay as a professional student for a while. I don’t see the need for a job right now, and if I play it right, I never will.”
Bystanders on the street were less than impressed with Dwayne’s plans.
“Little shit, being all fiscally responsible. Just buy a huge fucking house and 3 Lambo’s then crash into a pit of debt from which you will never escape already.”