(Washington, DC) –US President Barack Obama confided in Sealion News today that he is not looking forward to the next G8 summit in Japan next year.
“Everyone is super mean to me.” He told us. “They’re all like ‘so how’s your universal health care system going? Oh right, you don’t have one. Eighteenth century much!’. Then Canada will duck behind me and Britain will push me, trying to make me fall over. Then they’ll all laugh and say that it could have been really bad since I don’t have health care. They’re all just great big meanies.”
“Then later, they’ll act all interested and sympathetic, and ask me a lot of questions about the most recent mass shooting. There’s always one. After I say how messed up it is, they always then rub it in by commenting how they don’t have that problem. Dicks, all of them.”
But the bullying did not start with President Obama. We spoke with former President George W Bush and found a similar story.
“Yeah, the other leaders can be pretty rough on you. They used to ask me a lot of questions too, but it was mainly math stuff, or asking me to say ‘strategery’ or ‘nucular’. I’m so glad I don’t have to go to those any more.”
“Apparently, it started with Reagan. They’d hide his things, make up stuff that Iran and Panama had been saying about him behind his backs, put his hand in warm water while he slept. That kind of stuff. Oddly they didn’t do anything to Ford, or Carter. I guess it was still early days and they weren’t as comfortable then. You’d think they would be easy targets.”