Zimbabwe ‘Wins’ UN Office Pool

(Harare, ZW) –Zimbabwean officials solemnly accepted the winnings from the UN’s America’s Shooting Pool, in the wake of yet another mass shooting, this time at a movie theatre in Antioch, Tennessee.

“Yeah, it’s probably in bad taste to do it, but America has made it quite clear that they’re never going to do anything about these things.  So why not?”  Officials told us.

“Obviously, we offer our sincerest sympathies to the families of the victims of this tragedy.  But I also have to express them to Honduras and Luxembourg, as they were a day out with August 4th and 6th respectively.”  The Canadian UN ambassador told us.

“We would also like to express our hope that a tragedy like this never happens again.” A representative for China told us.  “But yeah, as it’s going to happen again, we can only realistically hope that we win the next pool.”

Sealion News has been told that the winner of the pool, gets exclusive access to the UN’s hot tub and sauna for a day, in lieu of monetary reward.

 

Read more here.

Time

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