Another in our long standing series of really bad, possibly even terrible, ideas.
#1) If you have a publication of sorts, consider hiring someone with the exact opposite beliefs and views that you hold to write a series of articles. If the person then happens to write something expressing those views, quickly remove the parts you object to. This is a virtual slam dunk in not going wrong.
#2) Be a vocal part of a pro-family organization, and then create a profile on a website that prides itself on connecting people who are looking for relationships outside of marriage. If you also happen to have been in a molestation scandal a few months prior, that’s even better.
#3) Fail to take advice. Look, we’ve all been there. A guy, a mentor even, gives you some advice, and you either decide to ignore it, or you just never get the chance to implement it. Either way, when Jimmy Savile said to you “Now then, now then, Bill. If you’re going to go around drugging all these women, which isn’t exactly my sort of thing but whatever, make sure you’re dead before it all comes to light.” To which you replied “zip zop, I’ll consider that, pull up your boopity pants” before offering a jello pudding snack.
#4) Maybe there’s some part of you that says “hey, my wife never flushes the toilet, not even after a pee. Maybe I could use this to impart a lesson to her, and also to stage an elaborate hoax on our viewers into thinking that it is somehow possible to take a pregnancy test from that sample, which will be irrelevant when we stage a miscarriage next week.” If there is, listen to that part. It’s just solid gold. Oh, and if you could combine this with #2 and also be on a dating website for married men, that’s even better.
#5) Basically, it’s just a really good idea to join a dating website for married people looking to cheat. There was just really no way that was ever going to go wrong for you.