Doritos Announces Two New Flavours In Wake Of Controversy

(Purchase, NY) –Frito-Lay, the owner of the popular Doritos™ brand has announced the upcoming release of two additional flavours of chips, in the wake of the recent controversy surrounding their Rainbow flavoured Doritos™.

“Frankly, we weren’t sure if the Rainbow chips were going to be popular or not.” A spokesperson told us. “It’s a chip that’s to raise awareness of the It Gets Better Project®.  That’s literally it, there’s not even a different taste between the chips, they’re just a different colour.”

“But apparently, all the crazy people came out and now we’re having to release a new flavour of chip just to appease those ass-holes now.  That’s why we’re not really proud at all to announce the upcoming release of the new Body of Christ & Blood of Christ flavours of Doritos™.”

“Body of Christ will essentially be a regular chip, pretty much a Tostito.  It’s a bag of Tostitos.”

“Blood of Christ was a little trickier to do, that one is red wine flavoured.  It’s as nasty as you’d think.”

“We didn’t even want to release these chips.  Pretty much every single member of the focus group hated them.  One person said they tasted like ‘concentrated hatred’.  So that’s not irony or anything.”

Asked for comment, opponents of the rainbow chips sounded delighted at the news.

“It’s about time big potato chip stopped persecuting us and provided chip flavours that all of America can enjoy.  I myself was a member of the focus group on these, and I found them to be absolutely delightful.  Only ketchup chips taste better, in my opinion.”

 

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